Forgiving Others

Summer Family Resolve 2008
Reconciliation
Forgiving Others

The first thing I would like to do this morning is spend the first couple of minutes to review what has been taught this weekend. I am not going to spend too much on these subjects but I felt a quick reminder would be good for everyone. Unless I tell you otherwise my quotations come out of the New American Standard Bible.

We started off on Friday night talking about guilt. We were all reminded that we are guilty and that we know that we are guilty. We all have the knowledge of God and His law is engrained in us. It is written on all of our hearts.

Romans 1:18,19 “For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, 19because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them.”

Romans 2:15”Since they show that the requirements of the law are written on their hearts, their consciences also bearing witness, and their thoughts now accusing, now even defending them.”

I disagree with some who teach that guilt is only a tool of the enemy. It can be but, I believe that often times it is a gift from the Holy Spirit prompting us to look and deal with unresolved sin issues in our lives.

We need of course to turn away from sin. We need to confess and repentant of those things that the Holy Spirit has caused us to feel guilty about. Following confession and true repentance guilt should not be part of our lifestyle.

1st John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

We also need to understand the fact that our sins have been cast away. Once we confess and repent they are dealt with and forgotten.

Hebrews 9:28 “So Christ also, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time for salvation without reference to sin, to those who eagerly await Him.”

We need to replace our guilt with correct thinking.

Philippians 4:6-8 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 8Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.”

Paul understood that our focus often times becomes our reality. He implores all of us to focus on the things that are true, and honorable, pure and lovely, instead of focusing on our past hurts and our past guilt’s. We should be focusing on the truth that those things no longer have any power over us.

On Saturday morning we then moved into discussion on confession and repentance. We were shown how confession is necessary for true healing.

Psalm 32:5 “I acknowledge my sin to You, and my iniquity I did not hide; I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord;’ and You forgave the guilt of my sin.”

2nd Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come.”

Confession involves commitment.

Ephesians 4:22-24 “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” (NIV)

We need to be vigilant in being rid of the “old man” and cover ourselves daily with our “new self,” covering ourselves in the armor of God.

Saturday afternoon we talked about seeking forgiveness. The first thing we talked about is how God will forgive our sins.

Romans 8:1, 2 “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Chris Jesus. 2For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.”

God’s forgiveness is complete.

Psalm 103:12 “As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.”

Isaiah 38:17”Lo, for my own welfare I had great bitterness; it is You who has kept my soul from the pit of nothingness, for You have cast all of my sins behind your back.”

Isaiah 43:25 “I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, and I will not remember your sins.”

Micah 7:19 “He will again have compassion on us; He will tread our iniquities under foot. Yes, You will cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.”

Asking for forgiveness is more than a good idea, it is a requirement.

Mark 11:25, 26“Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father will also forgive you your transgressions. 26But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions.”

Matthew 18:21, 22 “Then Peter came to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”

God offers complete restoration. Here we come back to:

2nd Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come.”

All of this weekends teaching has lead to today’s subject of forgiving others. I believe forgiveness really is a process. Without understanding that first of all we are all guilty, we won’t have any reason to confess anything. Without a desire to confess and repent we won’t have any desire to seek out forgiveness. And without knowing that we have been forgiven first, we will have little to no reason to forgive someone who wrongs us.

All of that leads us up to this morning; forgiving others. As people commit to Christ as Lord in their lives and consequently make an effort to be conformed into His image they find that the Christian walk isn’t all about what He can do for us, but it is also about what He expects from us; you could even say what He demands of His followers.

Now I could spend all of our time this morning and give a list of such expectations, our focus, however, this morning will be on just one of these commands; that is to forgive others. For anyone who would be interested in a more exhaustive list of what Jesus does demand of His followers let me recommend “What Jesus demands from the world,” written by John Piper.

But, back to this mornings subject. Forgiveness isn’t an easy topic. It isn’t easy to teach on, because for me forgiveness is not always easy. And I know from talking to lots of people in my years in ministry it is not always a subject people like to be taught. For a large number of people, they enjoy holding grudges. I know because more times than I would care to admit to everyone this morning I have fallen into this category. Pride will always try to get in the way of forgiveness. It will try and justify the harboring of ill feelings. It will make attempts to rationalize our thoughts of our duplicity. By duplicity I mean, when we are honest with ourselves we all want to be forgiven, we just don’t always want to forgive. But:

-Forgiving others is not an option.

In Matthew 6:9-15 Jesus teaches us a pattern for pray and follows it up with a very important message about forgiveness.

“Pray, then, in this way: ‘Our Father who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name. 10Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. 11Give us this day our daily bread. 12And forgive our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. 13And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.’ 14For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But, if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.”

Jesus says again!

Mark 11:24-26 “Therefore I say to you, all things which you pray and ask, believe that you have received them, and they will be granted you. 25Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father will also forgive you your transgressions. 26But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your transgressions.”

If you truly want your sins to be forgiven Jesus says you must be willing to forgive others of their sin against you.

Another reason to forgive is because we are reminded to:

-Forgive because you have been forgiven.

Colossians 3:12, 13 “So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; 13bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a compliant against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.”

Ephesians 4:31-5:2 “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with malice. 32Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. 5:1Therefore, be imitators of God, as beloved children; 2and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.”

Matthew 18:23-35 “For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. 24When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents (millions of dollars) was brought to him. 25But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. 26So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ 27And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him and the debt. 28But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii (three days wages); and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ 29So his fellow slave fell to the ground and to plead with him saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ 30But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. 31So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened. 32Then summoning him, his lord said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ 34And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. 35My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.”

It is pretty apparent to me the implications of this story that Jesus told. We can take from this story that you and I have been forgiven much more than we will ever be asked to forgive someone else. And if we chose not to forgive our brother or sister it will only serve to anger God who has forgiven us much. That isn’t a popular stance to take in today’s society; that of an angry God. But, it is clear to me, from this story in particular, that our lack of forgiveness towards others does indeed cause God to become righteously angry at us. And let me just say that He has every right to do so.

At times it is easy for us to rationalize our lack of zeal to forgive by what we perceive to be an unpardonable act; whether it is because of the offender or because the act itself was so horrifying. We need to remember:

-God offers forgiveness to all who ask.

Psalm 130:3, 4 “If you Lord should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand? 4But there is forgiveness with You, that You may be feared.”

Romans 8:1, 2 “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Chris Jesus. 2For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death.”

Another way to say that would be to say, “Therefore there is now forgiveness for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Micah 7:18, 19 “Who is a God like You, who pardons iniquity and passes over the rebellious act of the remnant of His possession? He does not retain His anger forever, because He delights in unchanging love. 19He will again have compassion on us; He will tread our iniquities under foot. Yes, You will cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.”

We too need to remember:

-There is no limit to forgiveness.

Luke 17:3, 4 “Be on guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents forgive him. 4And if he sins against you seven times a day and returns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”

Matthew 18:21, 22 “Then Peter came to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.”

Jesus is not saying literally we only need to forgive four hundred and ninety times. His point is that we should not count at all how many times we are asked to forgive someone nor keep count of how many times we actually forgive, even if it is the same offense on the same day.

I would challenge you today to start to start using Christ as our example of forgiving others. In my study on this subject to prepare for this weekend I came to realize that nowhere in scripture does it tell us to forgive only when it is asked for.

That one really stunned me for a moment. I’ll be honest and tell you that I didn’t really like that too much. There have been times where I rather enjoyed holding on to a misdeed done to me because the individual never asked me to forgive them. It seems that once again I failed to understand the underling principle. That we all have been forgiven much, and we are expected to forgive back; and in the big picture what we are expected to forgive is miniscule compared to what we have been forgiven.

Jesus came into His life not having any guilt; there was nothing for Him to be guilty of. Yet he took our guilt as His own. He sought forgiveness for us and forgave us by taking our sin as His. He took ownership of it, and released us from it; by spilling His blood as a perfect sacrifice freely given so that His Father could have a relationship with every single one of us.

Shouldn’t we then be willing to confess our own guilt to others and to God Himself and seek forgiveness from those we have wronged? And in turn shouldn’t we be willing to forgive as much as we have been forgiven? No matter the offense or the offender?

I would like to end my time with you this morning by asking a few questions:

Who if anyone have you been harboring ill will towards? More specifically is it your husband? Is it your wife? Or maybe one of your parents?

I would encourage any of you who have been holding on to old hurts to commit to forgiving whoever it is in your life that you need to forgive.

Remember “Just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.”

Prayer

Why is change so difficult?

Let me start by saying this...There are absolute's! Most of us who are born again understand this fact! People will argue even in Christian circles what those absolutes are. Now to help me make my point I will name just a few.

1st-We are all sinners
2nd-We are in need of a Savior
3rd-Jesus is that Savior

Now there are other Theological important issues, such as the need to observe the Lord's Supper and Baptism. pre-destination and eternal seurity and I know dear brothers who differ on some of these issues.

However, the big three as I sometimes call them are the real issue at hand. Not what worship music the church has or the order of service or even men's bible study material. Our calling as Christians is to reach a dying world and to use our individual and corperate talents as a means to do so.

Sometimes that means change. We should embrace this as a church. Change is heathly and most of the time welcomed by those outside of the church walls. I am not saying we should change the message. I am saying that we need to make sure it is heard. That doesn't mean bright lights and smoke. That doesn't mean make your neighbor feel comfortable with their sin. It simply means understand the culture around you and don't be afraid of it!

News from the ranch

We recently sent the boys home for a week to spend time with their families and also so that we could have some staff training. We do this four times a year as well as have the families come up twice to do what we call Family Resolves. It is a good opportunity to see just how much the boys as well as their parents have really changed. Because whether mom and dad want to admit it or not, they made some poor choices in raising their son to get to the point of sending him to the ranch in the first place.

I would ask for you to pray for the safe return of some of the boys, they are all to return tomorrow (Sunday the 6th). Some have threatened to run away tonight from their homes instead of return to the ranch. Some parents are fearful and some are not strong enough to stand up to this kind of threat from their son, so pray for the parents as well.

Now to talk about the staff retreat. I could really use your prayer supprt. It has become increasingly aware to me that some of the philosophy and theology of the leadership I do not agree with. I won't go into great detail, but I will say that at times I have become very frustrated. Please pray for the leadership of the ranch their job is not easy, but we are in need of real leaders not just pleasers. (I will assume you all no what I mean by that).

At times it feels like we want the program to change the boy and if that doesn't work we just need to be harsher on them. More rules=change at times could be our montra. But scripture gives serveral warnings especially in Proverbs against this type of thinking. Thus, my frustrations. Please pray that I would be submissive to my God given authority without mistreating those who God has entrusted into my care. Just because they are "ranch boys" doesn't give anyone the right to look down upon them. I try very much to treat these boys like I would see myself treating my boys when they become teenagers. I don't know if everyone here does. And that is a concern of mine.

Also, leadership has shown a do as I say not as I do approach to leading. It is very hard to follow that type of leadership as I am sure you all know from experience. Pray that our leadership would "pull the plank out of their eye, before pointing out the speck in others." As well as saying one thing and then doing another themselves. Maybe, it is because they thought of something better. But, doesn't scripture tell us to "let your yes be yes and no be no?" Communication could go a long way in mending so of these frustrations. If you say something, I expect you to do it. (And scripture tells me I should be abel to expect you to do it) If you change your mind and want to do something else, at least show me a little bit of value and tell me.

I know it sounds like I am being too negative and maybe I am. But I have others who work daily with me who sare all of these concerns. If we are being too negative however I pray that God would show that to me and convict me to repentance. In my heart I want very much to be able to support and follow my leaders, it is becoming increasingly difficult to do. That makes me think of Daniel who refused to sin or cause others too, but obeyed his sinful leaders. I am not saying our leaders are out right sinning please don't misunderstand the comparison. It was more a truth about how I should act. (Don't you hate it sometimes when God convicts you)

I do love being here. Ministering to these young men is my calling. I think at times I am being hindered, not purposly, but hindered none-the-less and that is what makes my heart ache.

If you read this and have words of encouragement or advice please respond to this post.

News from the ranch!

We need prayer! It seems as though everyone is catching the "bug!" Staff and students alike. I am one of the fortunate ones not to have caught it yet; though my wife is sick now so I am sure it is only a matter of time.

Coming up very soon is Spring Leave. The boys will be sent home for eight to ten days depending on their standing here at the ranch. It is a time for mom and dad and us as well to get a good understanding of how much of the boys growth is real and how much is being in a different environment. The same can be said of the parents.

I would ask that you pray for safe travel as some of the boys have to travel some distance. Also, that when temptation comes they will be able to be strong, and would remember the truths that they have all been taught.

Pray too, for the staff as this is mostly a relaxing time, but we do have a little bit of house keeping to take care of, as well as some staff training. It is never an easy thing to do, teach or be taught in a non-denominational, para-church group, some theology differences as well as some personality differences sometimes cause strife, so please cover us all in prayer on Saturday the 29th.

Also on a more personal note, the pastor at the community church here in the Nile Valley is leaving after many, many years. It is the church that the majority of the ranch staff attend and it is with much longing that we see he and his wife depart. They are beginning a new ministry planting churches in Alaska. Pray for the transition of the new pastor who begins the week after Easter.

Thank you all so much for your support financially and prayfully for my family and our ministry here at the Flying H!

Yours to count on,

Chris

I recently heard...

someone say that you get 80% of what you ask for. And I will admit my first thought was, I should ask for a whole lot more toys (i.e. books, video games) from my wife and I will get 80% of what I ask for. Selfish I know, but that is what first crossed my mind.

Then I started to think about how I communicate with my wife. I must admit and a great deal of how I communicate with her is truely selfish. It usually is, I want, I want, I want. This is a poor attitude to be sure. It shows me how impersonal I can be at times with my wife.

But, the effect runs much deeper than me proving I am a selfish individual. This attitude also keeps my wife and I from having a more intimate relationship. If I am so focused on my wants and can I provide my wifes needs? (And there is a difference between wants and needs) I am not talking about financial needs, I am speaking of emotional and spiritual needs. If I am constantly trying to make myself "feel good," how is that loving my wife?

The bible speaks to the husband having the responsibilty to love his wife. The wife in turn is to respect her husband. Nowhere does it tell the wife to love her husband. That really hits home for me. If I ask for things from my wife, even intimate things and I do so selfishly, that is not loving my wife that is loving myself. I will admit I more often than I would like to admit, love myself more than I love my wife.

Maybe I wll start asking God to help me love my wife 100% of the time instead of myself and hope she can except the 80%!

Why is it....

that we are so quick to sign away our check books but more importantly our values to so called "professionals?" It really was not that long ago that our pastors served as our counselors. That their counsel was the first we sought out. And whether we liked the advice or not we took it to heart. So often now, even professing Christians, turn and run when faced with crisis to the closest pyschologist or pyschiatrist instead of finding counsel from those who know what the bible teaches.

Why is it that we are so quick to turn and ask for counsel who we don't even know and who don't hold the same values we claim? The answer is our continued desire to sin. If we are unwilling to hear biblical advice, it smacks of a desire to sin.

It is my desire to see more biblical counseling. I believe that churches and pastors in particular need to set time aside for this type of ministry. Those teaching or counseling obviously need to have a passion for biblical wisdom and a greater passion for those hurting.

I'm curious....

How many times have you asked someone in passing "How you doing?" and not even listened to their response? Or how many times has that happened to you? This is a very simple and practical example to show how really superficial we can be sometimes.

I'm curious how often someone has ever responded with "Not that great," or "Pretty bad," and we haven't heard them? Talk about self-centered. It pains me to say that I know that I have been that person that is too busy. We live in a broken and hurting world that needs to hear of the hope that we have, and we are too busy to hear how someone is doing?

Compare this attitude to that of Jesus, who sought out those people who were hurting and it reflects poorly on us sometimes. It is sad to say, that often times the people we should be reaching out to, the ones we should be searching out to tell the Good News to are the very ones we don't want to be around because they are bad people, not socially acceptable.

I'm curious how many people once thought of you as socially unacceptable, or as a trouble maker? How many people wrote you off, thinking there is no way he or she will ever come to his or her senses and see the light?

It offends me when I hear people who I know are saved, who ought to know better talk like this. I know too, that it offends God. So my challenge is this, watch to those around you. Befriend those "untouchables" you know. And when you ask "How are you doing?" Listen!

Flying H Stuff

We got a new boy at the ranch last weekend. His name is Herb and is from the San Deigo area. Please pray for him and his family during this time of transition. Herb is very much struggling with having to be right all the time, he doesn't know when to be quiet when someone is correcting him. He is very homesick right now and shed some tears (something his parents can not remember him doing in years). Pray for Karen and I as well as we will be the mentoring family. Herb's parents are very much on the same page in what Herb needs to work on and what they need to work on as well pray that they will follow through with all of their commitments over the next year or so. I would ask too, that you keep the leadership of the ranch in your prayers as we are still short a second in command here at the ranch which adds strain to others in certain positions to pick up the slack. It is a burden that is tough to balance. Please remember Karen in your prayers also as she has taken on the responibility of the Food Services with another lady on the ranch, it is definately a time of transition. Pray for patience for me as Karen and she continue to work on balance between getting the job done and family time.

The father/son outing when very well and some dads are very excited for their next visit. The boys of course are missing their dads right now after seeing them for four or five straight days. We also have a new staff family here, it is exciting to have another young family on the ranch. Keep in your prayers the Tindell's they are from Kansas and were here for a interview and a visit. They have been invited to come aboard, so are starting to raise support. Pray for them as it will be hard to move so far away from family. Also, pray for the Huntings as they are still raising their support.

That's all for now!

Have you ever...

had a problem you tried to fix on you own but it didn't work out so well? Or how about had crisis and didn't know where to turn? If not you personally then I am sure that you know some one who has. What are we to do in those instances? Secular Psychologists often times tell us that we suffer these problems because of one disorder or another. I would have to disagree with those "well" educated people and argue that often times people suffer, because of unresolved sin. I realize that my stance is not often popular in today's society. As believer's we have a responibility to encourage and admonish our brother's and sister's when they are suffering because of their sin. We in the body of Christ are to help those around us who are struggling not send them to some "professional." And if we ourselves have a crisis we need to remember where to find all the answers, of course I am talking about the scriptures!